What if  Christian had stayed in Barcelona?
by Timidmouse
Summary: Would Chryed still be destined to be together if Christian had stayed in Barcelona and not come back that New Year? Well of course they would - it would just be a different, and longer, road to travel that's all!
1. Chapter 1

**The date is March 2015, Christian didn't come back from Barcelona before the wedding, which went ahead without a hitch. Syed struggled but managed to make his marriage work, built his business, be respected – but found fulfilling his dreams brought him little happiness and led him to a point of crisis. Please R&R.**

**Chapter 1**

"What about Masood, Syed Masood?"

"Well," said the doctor, "Physically he is fit enough to be discharged, he is going to need further physio for his legs, but there is no lasting damage from the beating. His mental health is more worrying, we know he has tried to commit suicide once, what are the opinions as to whether he will try again?"

The social worker cleared his throat. "The patient has not been very forthcoming, from his possessions we have managed to piece together some information. He is married with two children lives in Walford. We contacted his wife but she wants nothing to do with him, so we tried his mother, but she denied even having a son by that name. We spoke to work colleagues, but he was spectacularly fired as General Manager about a month ago, the boss also happens to be his father in law. It would appear he has been living in B&B's since then."

"So he has no home to go to, I don't think it is safe to discharge him at present, can you arrange some sort of temporary supervised accommodation quickly? Perhaps we should ask the psychiatrist to speak to him again. Has he had any visitors?"

"None" responded the Charge Nurse "he turned away the hospital chaplain, who guessed he was Muslim, brought in a local Imam – but he wouldn't talk to him either. The only person he has said more than a couple or words is the student nurse on the ward. He said she reminded him of another Lucy he once knew."

"Well cultivate that relationship – we need to find some way to get through to him."

The handover meeting finished and each went their separate ways.

"Student Nurse Watson."

"Yes Charge Nurse."

"I want you to spend a little time with Masood, try and get him to talk to you."

Lucy smiled, that was no chore, and she liked Syed. He was no bother at all, he wasn't demanding like some of the other patients and though his eyes were sad, there were also gentle and he seemed to appreciate even little acts of kindness.

"Breakfast" she chirped "I've got toast, scrambled eggs, tea and orange juice."

"I'm really not hungry." Said Syed.

"Don't care what you want – I care about what you need, and you need sustenance, so I am not leaving until you eat something."

Syed looked at Lucy, she had a quiet determination in her eyes so he sat up and toyed with the food on the plate making an attempt to eat.

"So who is the Lucy I remind you of then?"

"Oh she was just the niece of a ... a friend I once had. I haven't seen either of them for years now."

"Were you fond of her?"

"Well yes, and no. She was a typical stroppy teenager; she meant well but sometimes had a funny way of showing it."

"So she was fond of you then?"

"No actually, she was fond of her Uncle, she thought I was mean to him so she didn't like me."

"Were you?"

"What?"

"Mean to him?"

"Not intentionally." He pushed the plate away "I really can't eat any more."

"Where are they now?"

Syed shrugged his shoulders and shook his head, lay back and feigned sleep. Lucy cleared away determined to try again later.

Lucy. He hadn't thought of her in years, he had been so angry with her for blackmailing him. All she was trying to do was make him commit – it was a vain attempt, an impossible task, at a time in his life of great turmoil, anxiety, stress – and yet the closest glimpse of happiness that he had ever had. A happiness he had driven away, no that he had held in his hands and let slip through his fingers. Funny for all that had happened over the last four weeks they still didn't compare to the tumultuous time with him, with Christian.

Now he had thrown away everything he once dreamed of, yet he didn't feel even half the pain that he had felt watching Christian get into that taxi and drive out of his life. In fact right now he didn't feel anything other than a resignation that he was destined to be an outsider for the rest of his life, that and a relief that he no longer had to pretend.

For a moment he allowed himself to think of Christian, where was he, how was he? He hoped he had managed to bounce back, to find happiness in his life – and he cursed himself for breaking such a good heart.


	2. Chapter 2

**Still set in hospital - a new Syed emerging. Reviews appreciated!**

**Chapter 2**

"Tea?"

"Thanks Lucy, could you do me a favour? The battery is flat on my mobile, I need to make some calls, any chance you could get hold of a charger for me?"

"I can contact people for you if you want." Syed shook his head so she held out her hand "Sure I'll try, give it here, be later today though getting ready for the ward round at the moment. You didn't eat much for breakfast – do you want some biscuits with your tea?"

Syed smiled. "Will I get to see the doctor today – I really need to get out of here?"

"What trying to get rid of me already?"

Syed reached across took her hand and kissed the back of it, "Of course not, you're my angel of mercy."

She blushed, "I take it you're feeling better."

"Never better" assured Syed.

Syed collected his thoughts. Landing in hospital was not part of his plan, and was a real inconvenience; still he would be out soon and get things back on track. He had wasted enough time living someone else's life, now it was time to start living his own, and nothing or no-one was going to stand in his way. He was interrupted by the appearance of the ward round.

Lucy carried on with her duties, but was surprised to hear raised voices. She moved closer to try and hear what was being said, but she only caught snippets of the argument. Something about Syed being unhappy about the plans they had made for him, having a perfectly good home to go back to and quite able to look after himself. The medics were trying to persuade him to take some course of treatment, but he was having none of it and was asking for forms to discharge himself.

After a prolonged discussion they moved on.

"What happened? You really do seem to be anxious to get rid of me."

"No Lucy, but I am tired of people telling me how to live, all my life I have done what other people wanted me to, but no more – I can't believe they made all those arrangements without even consulting me. I am perfectly able to look after myself."

"Well there is nothing wrong with accepting a little help."

"I don't need it." He said firmly.

"OK OK – by the way here is your phone, I managed to get it charged."

"Life saver, thanks."

Three hours later she ushered a smart young man to his bedside. He was tall, slim built, in his twenties, good looking, dressed in a smart suit and carrying a briefcase. No wedding ring she noted.

"Mr Masood, are you OK?"

"Mr Johnston, yes I am fine, no lasting damage, thanks for coming to see me here, it could have waited until I was discharged."

"No problem I was concerned when I heard you had been admitted, you have been a good client for us, besides there are some matters which have some urgency attached to them. What happened?"

"I was walking home to the B&B when I saw some louts attacking a young Asian boy, so I stepped in to help."

"Brave."

"Fool hardy – I am not exactly built for a good fight after all."

"Are you going to prosecute your assailants?"

"I will leave it to the police.

"Why were you staying in a down market B&B – with your assets a month in the Ritz wouldn't be a major hardship. I brought the keys to the apartment for you."

"Not my style – thanks, did you have any problems with the tenants?"

"None – they very much appreciated the extra month you had given them when their plans fell through. I gather you intend to move in as soon as you are discharged; I will make the necessary change of address notices for your business interests. I gather you and Mr Shah have parted company? "

"It's no loss – do you have a conflict of interest representing me as well as him?"

"I would do, if I was still representing him. He asked me to find a loophole so that you had to give up your shareholding in your joint business interests, and I don't think he appreciated my guidance on the matter."

"I am sorry if I have inconvenienced your business."

"It's no loss – I would rather represent your business acumen... and your business ethics."

"Is there a partner in your firm that can represent me on family matters?"

"Divorce?"

"Yes – I don't wish to contest matters, but I do want access to my children."

"I will arrange an appointment for you next week." He paused "Syed, are really OK? When I heard you were here, after the visit from Mr Shah I was worried..."

"What that I might have tried to do something silly? No – I told you before, that was a mistake, it was a year ago and much has changed since then. My life is my own now."

"Well I look forward to doing business in the future."

They shook hands and he left.


	3. Chapter 3

**Syed has discharged himself from hospital and moved into his flat. Reviews appreciated!**

**Chapter 3**

Syed tipped the delivery men and turned to face the five crates – the sum total of his possessions, well at least those that were not still in his marital home, but he had no intention of trying to reclaim them, they were part of his past.

These were the things that held some value for him, which he had quietly put into storage over the last year. The flat had been kitted out for letting so it was bland, but had all the basics so there was no great hurry for him to refurnish or redecorate. Not one of his strong points, so he would need to find someone with style to do it for him.

He unpacked, first clothes, then office, then domestic and was finally left with a few small boxes of personal mementoes. There were scrap books from his childhood, the Qur'an his father had given him, his first business award, various presents from family and friends and piles of photos. He pulled out one of Amira and the children and propped it up on a shelf, and one of himself, Tamwar and Shabnam. As he tried pushed the others back into the box one escaped and fluttered to the floor. He didn't need to see it to know what it was.

It was small, crumpled and dog-eared. A year ago when his life had felt so desperate that he had seriously considered ending it, he had gathered together everything that reminded him of Christian and thrown it away, in the vain hope that it would help erase it from his memory. It didn't work of course –and he had got up in the middle of the night to rescue this one small photo from the bin.

He ran his fingers over the photo and said out aloud "Are you trying to tell me something?" He propped it up on the shelf staring at the green eyes and continued. "Where are you? What are you doing? Are you happy?"

He remonstrated within himself, you are supposed to be leaving the past behind, if you found him what then – he is probably with someone, and even if he isn't why would he have anything to do with you after the way you treated him?

He decided to cook, then ate contentedly in front of the TV and did the exercises the physio recommended and prepared for bed, but couldn't sleep. He got out of bed and padded through to the living-room, squared up to the photograph and said "OK I know you are part of the past, but you are also one of the demons that haunt me – so I have to know. I have to find you, I have to say sorry, only then can I move on."

That was why the next day Syed found himself in Albert Square for the first time in nearly five years. It was both reassuringly familiar, but also strange; he didn't immediately see any familiar faces. He had two targets – Jane and Roxy, if anyone knew where Christian was they would.

Well the club was still called R&R and the cafe Kathy's, so that was promising. He thrust his hands in his pockets and went into the cafe and got a mug of tea and ordered toast. As the young girl served it he asked "Do the Beale's still own this place?"

"Ian – yes, not that we see much of him."

"And Jane?"

"Jane? Never met her, that's his ex wife isn't it? She moved away a few years ago, took the youngest kid with her."

One dead end. He started retracing old haunts, without thinking he found himself in Turpin Road, his eyes were drawn to the blue door and the windows above it. The memories can flooding back, the passion, the laughter, the love, the angst, the arguments and the pain.

"Syed isn't it? What you doing back here, thought you were some high flyer now?"

"Bianca, good to see you, just passing through so I thought I would look in on old friends – seems like a few have moved on. How are you, do you still work in the cafe."

"I'm OK; nothing stays the same – no after Jane left Ian got rid of me."

"Do you know where she went?"

"No she didn't tell anyone, I think she was terrified Ian would follow her. You should head for the Vic, still where all the locals gather."

"Do the Mitchell's still run it?"

"No after the fire the Moon's took over, Roxy still runs R&R though. She's away on holiday just now."

Syed made his way to the Vic and ordered an orange juice. He met a few familiar faces and chatted idly, he finally managed to bring Christian into the conversation.

"Christian" said Kat, "Was he the big hunky guy, lots of muscles that was at Amy's birthday party? No he's back in London now, working as a personal trainer somewhere."

With this snippet of information Syed's heart lifted and he left.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Syed never realised there were so many personal trainers in London, but he was prepared to contact them one by one if necessary. Individuals were easy enough eliminate from his list but receptionists in gyms weren't always that helpful, that meant he needed to go on some visits which meant developing a strategy if he actually found Christian. What would he say to him?

Did he want Christian to know he was searching for him? Would he believe that they met by coincidence? Would he ever convince Christian that he was really looking for a personal trainer? Christian knew him too well, he looked at his weedy frame in the mirror – he still had some bruises from his attack, he could always say that was the catalyst for wanting to build himself up. His thoughts rolled back to the bittersweet memory of Christian's attack, the pain at seeing him physically and mentally scarred and yet it became the catalyst for their relationship. Those weeks after the attack were some of the happiest of his life, they seemed simple and uncomplicated and allowed him for the first time to find and share his true self and to experience a passion and tenderness that he had never known was possible, had never experienced since and probably never would again.

He shook his head to clear the memories and drew up a diary for the week ahead – he had the lawyer to see, his businesses to attend to, an appointment with the doctor, that left him with a couple of afternoons and the evenings to call in on some gyms. He phoned around and booked appointments on the pretext of wanting to arrange fitness training for all his employees, he therefore wanted to see the facilities and meet or see the resumes of all the personal trainers. That should get their attention.

He was leaving the last of those appointments on Friday beginning to feel the enormity of the task when he heard a familiar voice.

"Syed, Syed is that you? I didn't know you were a member here?"

"Robbie – nice to see you, no I am not a member, just having a look round."

"You got time for a coffee?"

"Is that wise? If Qadim finds you are talking to me, you might be out of a job."

"C'mon Syed, you know me better than that."

They headed off to a nearby coffee shop.

"How is work?"

"It's been frantic since you left," said Robbie and then added apologetically," Qadim gave me your old job by the way."

"Good decision, you'll be great."

"Are the rumours true?"

Syed stiffened; he didn't know what Qadim might have said. "Well that depends on what you have heard doesn't it." He replied calmly.

"Well, Qadim told everyone that he fired you for embezzling, that you had done it before, but I've seen the books Syed. Everything seems to be in order and it doesn't sound like you. The rumours are that it was your choice, you walked out on everything - your family and the business, because of something Qadim did."

Typical thought Syed, his family would rather live with the shame of a thief in the family than a gay.

"What do you think?"

"I think neither is true. I think it has something to do with what happened last year."

Syed was taken aback, he liked and respected Robbie, he was one of only a handful of people who knew what had happened, and he was remarkably perceptive. It was Robbie who had found him unconscious from too much drink, it was Robbie who had driven him to the hospital, and it was Robbie who had stayed with him until his family came and ejected him. Qadim had tried to pay him to keep silent; he had rejected it, but had remained silent anyway. They had never discussed the matter since.

"Talk to me Syed, I am your friend, I will respect your confidence. If there is anything I can do to help I will do it."

"I owe you that, you saved my life. I had a ... minor indiscretion ... it never quite progressed to an affair because I thought better of it and broke it off. I wanted to make my marriage work. Unfortunately the individual concerned decided to try and pursue the matter further and my family got to know about it. They took it very badly and I felt very much under pressure. Despite what Qadim told you I never meant to kill myself, but I'm just wasn't used to alcohol and didn't know when to stop. Once they got me home, my family made it quite clear what the consequences of such an indiscretion happening again would be. I felt trapped in my marriage, I knew I needed to get out of it so I started planning for an exit – I separated out parts of my life and business so that I could walk away and be master of my own life."

"So why now, are you back with her, have you found someone else you want to be with? I understand Amira and Qadim – but why walk away from the rest of your family – is she worth leaving everything for?"

"It wasn't a she – it was a he, and he isn't still in the picture, and no I haven't met anyone else. I want to be true to myself, none of my family will ever let me do that, they made that abundantly clear and if I want to have a relationship with someone then I owe it to them to get rid of the baggage first. I didn't once, before I got married, and it caused so much unnecessary pain. My family know where I am, they know who I am, they know that I am still willing to be with them – but they have chosen their path as I have chosen mine. Why now – why not now? There is no good time, so I simply picked a date on the calendar and planned everything else around it."

"Well, you certainly know how to burn your bridges don't you. Look I meant what I said, if you need help please call me. "

"You don't sound shocked or surprised."

"I am surprised, but not shocked, my brother's gay you know. I remember how tough it was for him when he came out, but he did find happiness in the long run. I always knew your life wasn't as happy as it seemed on the surface, and I guessed it was something to do with your marriage. You're a good actor, but there was always sadness in your eyes. Keep in touch, and I hope you find what you are searching for."

Syed felt liberated from telling the truth and resolved to redouble his efforts to find Christian.


	5. Chapter 5

**Many thanks for the reviews - time for an initial reunion, will Christian accept the new Syed - a few more chapters still to come.**

**Chapter 5**

Another week had passed, on the plus side he had been signed off by the doctor; on the minus side it was clear from his meetings with the lawyer that his divorce was going to be acrimonious, lengthy and expensive. Amira was going to contest access to the children – he had hoped that there would be a more amicable resolution, but he guessed Qadim would be driving things. He had therefore agreed to a mediation meeting – so long as it was just him and Amira and their lawyers. Worse still he was no nearer to finding Christian.

He thought about praying for guidance, he hadn't been to mosque or prayed since he walked out of his home. The words of the Imam all those years ago echoed through his mind. Who he was, would appear to be incompatible with his faith, that still troubled him, right now his desire to be himself was stronger but it left a hole, a gaping chasm, which most threatened his peace of mind.

He decided to go out for dinner, he considered phoning Robbie, but realised he probably wasn't very good company, but the noise and bustle of a busy restaurant might be soothing. He put on a suit, with an open necked shirt looked out at the setting sun trying to decide whether he needed an overcoat, in the end he decided he would risk it and stepped out of the flat into the corridor. As he was locking the door, his mobile rang. He leant against the door, and took the call. He had forgotten he had committed to help with a charity event, he promised his continued support in a different way but patiently explained that he couldn't, wouldn't, attend at the mosque again. He sighed, locked the door and started to walk away.

"Going somewhere nice are ya?"

Syed froze, and then slowly turned around. With the light shining through the window he couldn't see the features, but there was no mistaking the London accent or the substantial frame of the figure that came into view, and his heart started to race.

"Christian?"

"The one and only."

Syed stepped toward him reaching out his hand as if he needed to check that the vision was real. He restrained himself as Christian remained leaning against the window with his arms crossed. They stared at each other for what seemed like minutes. It was Christian who finally broke the silence.

"Are you in a hurry to go, or are you going to invite me in?"

Still trying to find words Syed unlocked and opened the door and gestured Christian to enter. Christian swept passed him.

"Nice view," he said, but it wasn't the window he was looking at, as he surveyed Syed from head to toe. He slid his jacket off and hung it over a chair, then wandered around the flat, "Impressive, a little minimalistic for my taste, it could do with some colour you know, great kitchen." He picked up the family portrait. "Beautiful kids, Jalil and Salena isn't it? Mind you with such beautiful parents how could they be anything else? "He then spied the dog-eared photo of himself. "Ugh – is this the best photo you have of me, doesn't do me justice at all."

Syed was gaping at him as he traversed the room. Questions kept burbling up to his mouth but somehow never got past a single word.. How?...What?... Why?..." In a matter of minutes Christian had turned him into an incoherent imbecile who couldn't string two words together. Having finished his inspection Christian stood directly in front of Syed.

"What are you doing with yourself now you've left the family business?"

Syed looked up at him and was instantly transported back to the Massala Unit, to the first time they had kissed. He was overcome with the same overpowering need to touch him, to know how he would respond. He closed his eyes, but he could still feel his presence, he willed him to do something but he knew Christian was forcing him to make the first move; he couldn't blame him for that. So as he had done, so many years ago, he leant forward and pressed his lips against Christian's in a gentle tentative kiss. Christian's hand cupped his face and he opened his eyes staring straight into the green eyes that had haunted him every night. The difference between this and last time, was that Christian was not taken by surprise and Syed knew exactly what it might lead to. So even before Christian's other hand made it to the back of his neck to pull them together a shudder of anticipation coursed through Syed's body making him weak at the knees. He fell into Christian's embrace, wrapped his arms around him for support, as their lips crashed together and their tongues explored each other until they were forced to part for breath. Christian husked "Oh Sy, you have no idea how much I missed you." He tugged at Syed's jacket; Syed obligingly released his arms, allowing his jacket, followed by his shirt, to fall to the floor. Christian's lips had already made their way to his neck.

He gasped "Oh I think I do. But how..." He was silenced with a kiss.

"Later" whispered Christian "we can talk ... later."His fingers were caressing his spine and suddenly Syed couldn't think of anything he needed answered, other than the longing of his body. He pulled Christian's polo shirt over his head, revealing his strong muscular torso which felt every bit as good as he remembered.

"Mmm still working out I see." His mouth followed his fingers teasing first the hairs on his chest and then his nipples. He tasted every bit as good as he remembered. Christian's hands moved to his sides causing Syed to wince slightly at the remnants of the bruises over his ribs, shocked Christian separated them to see what had caused the pain.

"Sy, what happened?"

"It's nothing," Syed was relieved that there was still something in his life that Christian did not already know about. As Christian protested he said "Really it's nothing, later Christian, we can talk later. First let me show you the rest of the flat." He took his hand and led him to the bedroom, closed the curtains, abandoned the rest of his clothes, loving the way Christian drunk in his body, and lay down.

Christian knelt on the foot of the bed, he started at his feet, slowly caressing and kissing his way up his legs. He then lay down beside him, pulled him into kiss, pressing their bodies together. "Sy. How much did you miss me?"

"Every night I close my eyes I see your face; every time I shower I imagine that the water is your fingers, your tongue – every day Christian, every day you are in my mind."

He shuddered as Christian's hand, followed by his mouth, encased his erection. He bucked trying to speed the release he so desperately needed, but Christian steadied his hips and slowed him down bringing him to brink, teasing until he could take no more, until he begged. He came with Christian's name on his lips.

"That's how I remember you, Sy. Seeing you the way no-one else did, the real you, not the mask, the facade that everyone else saw."

Syed turned his attention to Christian's rock solid cock, stroking it gently "I want to feel you inside me".

Christian looked at the bedside table"Condoms?" Syed shook his head. Christian laughed "You came looking for me, without condoms, you would never make a boy scout Sy."

He got up and walked through to the living room to retrieve his jacket. Syed drew in his breath; how is it he even knows I have been looking for him. He shouted after him, "It **was** **you** I was looking for, and I know you are **always** prepared ... I do have shower gel though." Christian heard the sound of the water running – and smiled, he couldn't have imagined a better reunion.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

The radio switched itself on at 7:00am, music softly breaking the stillness of the flat, invading Syed's sleep, he usually woke long before the alarm went off, then he remembered. Eyes still closed, he listened intently, but could hear no breathing other than his own, had he imagined last night? Surely not – he opened his eyes, there was no-one there. He reached out the bed was still warm, he rolled over buried his face in the pillow, and there it was the familiar scent of Christian. He cuddled it to him, breathing in deeply.

"Morning beautiful."

Christian was standing, naked, at the foot of the bed with two cups of coffee.

"For a moment I thought you had gone."

He set down the coffee and flopped back into bed, pulled him to a kiss and with hands either side of his face held him and whispered "It was you who fled from our bed Sy, it was never me, and it never will be me."

Syed tried to look away, shamed at the memory, but Christian turned his head back kissed him again and then reached over for his coffee. "So, what does my business tycoon have planned for today then?"

Syed groaned at the intrusion of reality. "That depends, I can free up my morning if you can, and we can talk."

"Just talk, is that's all you have to offer? I have a client at 9:30 then I'm busy through to 5, I need to leave here by 8:45, 9:00 at the latest."

"I'll cancel my 9 o'clock – and we do **need** to talk – can you come back here tonight or tomorrow?"

"I work Sunday's babe, Monday is my day off, I'm all yours tonight though."

Syed got out of bed, wrapped himself in a dressing gown and disappeared. Christian heard him on the phone rearranging his morning, sighed, got out of bed, searched for his clothes, pulled on his trousers and padded barefoot into the living room. Syed was making breakfast, he went to help but Syed gave him fresh coffee and motioned him to the settee.

"You can start by telling me how you found me?"

"You may have lost track of me Syed, but I never lost track of you. You gave me a bit of a start when you moved out of your home and left the business so suddenly. I thought I was going to have to visit every property your company owns, but fortunately you were very obliging and registered your new address with Companies House."

"Clever."

"Not just a pretty face"

Syed handed him breakfast, slowly looked him up and down, "Don't need to tell me that."

They sat together, Christian sliding his arm under Syed's dressing gown to maximise flesh on flesh contact.

"Where have you been?"

"I stayed in Barcelona for six months, when Jane left Ian I came back and stayed with her for a while, I have my own place now; I chose it because it overlooks the park where you used to walk. I watched you most days walking with the kids, first in their push chairs, then as they found their feet playing with them. Sometimes you had your mother with you, and she talked at you incessantly and occasionally your dad who listened as well as talked. I never saw you with Amira though. I used to study your expression, and wonder if you were happy."

"Amira didn't do parks. "

"A couple of your neighbours were clients of mine, so I got snippets of information. Your life sounded good, complete, just as you planned it."

"It was, and I wasn't. Happy I mean. I thought you weren't going to put your life on hold for me."

"I didn't – I simply chose to watch from afar, I knew that one day you were going to be true to yourself, stop pretending and you would come back to me."

"How can you have been so sure – that I would ever take that decision, and that I would still want you?"

"It was inevitable and what's not to want?"

"Your ego hasn't got any smaller then! You might have met someone else"

"Sy, I never stopped loving you."

"Why didn't you come and talk before now and why ... why did you let me marry Amira? At any time you could have told her, or my family what was going on. You could easily have stopped the wedding."

"I know, and believe me I came close to it so many times, but it had to be your decision, you would never have forgiven me. Last year I actually came down to the hospital, but by the time I got there your Mum, Tamwar and Amira were with you and you seemed OK. Really Syed, I should be ashamed of you getting so drunk you needed your stomach pumped."

"How did you know..."

"I was at a party, Robbie phoned to say he would be delayed, had a crisis and had to take his boss to the hospital I guessed it was you and went to investigate. His brother is an ex of mine, I kept in touch when I found out Robbie worked with you. It was another link."

Syed wondered whether he should feel threatened that Christian had been stalking him all these years, but he didn't, he felt comforted that he was watching over him.

"Are there any gay men in London who are not your ex?" laughed Syed

Christian punched him playfully and looked hurt.

"It's getting late, I need to go."

Syed straddled him, put his arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. "You will come back tonight."

Christian finally left, with Syed's final words ringing in his ears. "Christian, I never stopped loving you either."


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for the reviews - as always appreciated.**

**Chapter 7**

By 6 o'clock Syed was pacing back and forth in his flat cursing himself for not getting his new mobile number. When the doorbell finally rang at 7:00 he met Christian on the stairs with a hug that just about bowled him over. They ate and curled up on the settee in each others arms with a drink.

"I've been thinking about us, Christian – we need to talk about our future. You know we can't just pick up where we left off, considering how unhappy we both were I really don't want to go through all that again. I need to know that you are serious about us, that it will just be about you and me – no more one night stands."

"I like that you talk about us having a future. OK no more one night stands – but no more secrets, and no more lies either. We have to be honest with one another. Maybe we should just take it slowly."

"So the past is behind us, we start again."

"Sy, not everything about the past was bad; we did have some good times. Be careful not to throw away everything. I heard what you said on the phone last night, about not going back to mosque. Are you sure about that?"

Syed stood up, agitated and snapped "Christian, I have had enough of people telling me what I should and shouldn't do."

"OK OK – it's your choice, it's just it always seemed so much a part of you, I just want you to be happy, to be you." Christian took his hand.

"You will won't you?

"I will what?"

"Let me be me"

"It's all I ever wanted for you."

"And that's the difference between your love and my family's. Christian I want you to move in here with me. In fact," he hesitated "I have booked a removal firm for Monday – all they need is your address, they'll pack everything."

"You've done what!"

"I know, I know – but Christian I've wasted enough time I want us to be together now. You can do anything you like with the place, just be here, and be here with me."

"Eh – for someone who doesn't like being told what to do – that's extreme by any standards. Don't you think we should take a bit more time to be sure?"

"You aren't sure about us?"

"Off course I am but..." Christian's face broke into a cheeky grin, "there is one condition."

"What condition? You want me to call you some excruciatingly awful pet name?"

"Eh No"

"You want me to always hold your hand."

"Nice, but not a condition."

"You want your mother to come and stay?"

"No!"

"You want my mother to come and stay?"

"Banned more like!"

"You want some kinky sex?"

"I like the train of thought – but no."

"You want a puppy?"

"Cute, but no"

"Well what is it then?"

"Sy, I want you to grow your hair again, you have no idea how sexy it is with those long luscious unruly curls!"

"My hair! Christian, I'm a serious business man – I have an image to maintain."

"Image! You do know you look like a convict with your hair that short?"

Syed ran his fingers through Christian's hair "... and yours is!"

"Mine is classic elegance. Oh please Sy – there is nothing feels better your hair falling through my fingers, tickling my skin when you kiss me. This is Britain, we love our eccentric businessmen!"

"OK, OK for you anything – will you move on Monday?"

"If you insist, but I warn you the weekend after Jane is getting married and I'll be away."

"That's good – is he better than Ian."

"Way better – he's human for a start! You could come with me?"

"Sure – why not."

"There will be a lot of familiar faces – they'll gossip, might get back to your family."

"It will be good to renew acquaintances – we will be a seven day wonder, and my family already know about me."

"You've come along way – you would have run a mile."

"Yeh, this is the new me."

"I like the new you – but I liked the old one too." Christian pulled him into a kiss. "Sy?"

"Yes Christian"

"When you mentioned kinky sex – did you have anything in mind?"

"Eh no!"

"I could make some suggestions you know."

"Why does that not surprise me?"

"Do you want to hear them?"

"Do they come with demonstrations?"

"If you want them to."

"Start talking!"


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry it has taken so long to update – please R&R most appreciated**

**Chapter 8**

Syed heard the music blaring as he approached the front door, he unlocked and opened it as quietly as he could. He was rewarded with a few minutes to drink in the sight, before Christian realised he was there. He had obviously been working hard because the bulk of the room was in perfect order and there was a pile of empty boxes stacked in one corner.

The flat was transformed; there were touches of him throughout, from the bottles of alcohol in the kitchen, to the pile of fitness gear at the bedroom door, to pictures, candles and cushions scattered with the sort of relaxed flair that Amira had never mastered. Syed felt that he was home for the first time since ... well for the first time ever! Christian was standing with his back to him sorting through a tangle of shoes, singing along to the music. Syed, grinning from ear to ear, tiptoed toward him and put his hands on Christians hips and turned him around, planting a kiss on his lips.

"Sy, you're early, it'll take me another couple of hours to sort this lot out."

"It's looking great, I love coming home to you. Together, we'll finish in half the time – I'll order in for dinner."

As they worked together harmoniously, Syed couldn't help but think back to moving house with Amira. There had been chaos and drama, but when it came down to it, it was his mother and himself that did all the work, and that was anything but pleasant as his mother criticised everything and anything. In contrast he and Christian helped and teased each other and with the occasional diversionary straying of hands and lips, it still took two hours but neither of them minded. By the time the food arrived they were ready for a break.

"My turn to ask some questions." said Christian "How did you get those bruises?"

Under Christian's interrogation Syed repeated the story, Christian cursed himself for not being there to provide support and berated him for putting himself at risk, while being clearly proud of his courage and compassion and marvelling at yet another sign of the change in Syed's confidence in himself.

"So tell me, how come you're here, what made you leave Amira?"

"You know why."

"That hasn't changed since I went to Barcelona," said Christian gently. Syed winced at the memory. "Something must have changed to make you do it now."

Syed had been dreading this question, he didn't want to compound the pain of his rejection, his weakness all those years ago, and he knew he would never be able to fob Christian off with some contrite generalities.

"I **really** never stopped loving you," he started, "the Christmas before last I was feeling very low, I had achieved everything I thought I wanted and yet the feelings of inadequacy and desperation were still there. I kept remembering what you said, remember that day at the unit when we fought, you told me then I couldn't hide from it forever. I saw this vacuum of emotion extending in front of me." Christian squeezed his hand. "You were right, as you usually are."

"Just usually?"

"Yes, your ego is big enough thank you! Anyway I was taking the kids to a party. I started chatting to a young man who had delivered his niece, as we had a few hours to kill before they were to be collected we went for a walk. I don't know exactly how it happened, but we ended up kissing. He gave me his number, which I threw away as soon as I got home, but he tracked me down."

Christian felt a knot forming in his stomach; he had acclimatised himself to the jealousy when he thought of Syed with Amira, but the thought of him with another man! He knew that was both unjustified and unreasonable, after all he had hardly been celibate.

Syed continued "I agreed to go out with him, but after the first time the guilt just gnawed away at me, rather than feeling better it made me even worse. I knew it was Amira I was cheating on, yet I felt like I was being unfaithful to you. So I ended it, he started to blackmail me, and I paid. There I was at the heart of my family, my community with all the respect I craved and I felt more alone than I ever had in those years when I was separated from my family. I had no-one to talk to, no-one I could trust."

"If I had known, you could have talked to me."

"The day I ended up in hospital I was supposed to be meeting him to try and pay him off for good, I had a few drinks to give me courage, and it didn't work so I just kept drinking. Robbie found me unconscious in my office. Since I never make it, my blackmailer followed through, he sent a letter and photo to my family." The tears were flowing and Christian wiped them away with his thumb.

"Do you know in all the weeks that followed, the family meetings to decide what to do, not one of the people who should love me most asked me how I felt or what I wanted. The rest of my life was mapped out for me before my eyes; my family were to become my jailors, watching every move I made. I was on autopilot, did what I was told, when I was told for the next few months."

"It never showed on your face, if only I had made contact ..."

"Yea – like my mother would have let you anywhere near me!"

"It breaks my heart to think of you so alone."

"Don't be, it made me realise that I didn't need them. In the summer I had a week away for work; Qadim was supposed to be with me but cancelled last minute. It gave me the time I needed to think for myself. I decided to leave, but I wanted to plan it properly so I picked a date. I set up a businesses in my own name, got an investor and it just took off. When the property market crashed I started to pick up bargains and the whole thing snowballed. So this year I called a family meeting. I told them I was gay, that I didn't want to hide from it anymore and that I was going to move out and live my own life. I was happy to see them again, but it would have to be on my terms. There were tears, tantrums and threats but I just walked out, and I haven't seen or heard from any of them again except through the lawyers."

"Weren't you frightened being on your own?"

"No, I'm used to it - I have been alone since you left for Barcelona. I felt exhilarated, I felt like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon ready to fly. "

"And now? Maybe I should have given you more time to test out those wings, kiss a few frogs."

"Ugh, let's face it; anyone is going to be a disappointment after you. Now, I feel ...complete."

Complete, thought Christian looking into his eyes, yep that just about summed it up. Enough talking for one night, everything else that needed to be said could be done without words. He went to kiss but was interrupted by his mobile ringing, it was Jane.

"Hi Sis – is the wedding still all going to plan?"

"Christian – where are you?" shouted Jane "I popped round your flat earlier and your neighbour said you'd moved out."

"Ah – I wasn't going to tell you till later – you had enough on your mind just now, " he winked at Syed "It's just I decided to move in with my boyfriend."

"Since when? What boyfriend! Oh Christian with your track record – is that wise?"

"Jane, its OK it was a spur of the moment decision, but I know it is the right one. I will explain everything when I see you."

"Christian – I have enough to worry about without you risking everything for your latest conquest."

"It's not like that Jane. So stop worrying, what was it you wanted? I can meet you for lunch tomorrow if you want."

"OK – but I will want details Christian. I need you to help out on the morning of the wedding, Lucy, Roxy and Amy will be at my house to get ready and I wanted to be sure you were available."

"Don't worry I'll be there. See you tomorrow. Love ya!" he hung up and switched of the phone."No more interruptions, now where were we?"

"Maybe you should have just told her." said Syed

"No way, I want to see her face when she sees you."


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry it has taken so long to update – please R&R most appreciated.**

**It is the morning of Jane's wedding. **

**Chapter 9**

Christian put the boxes of flowers in the car and checked down the list of jobs that Jane had given him, he just needed to go back and change into his suit and then he would go to her place. He was disappointed Syed wasn't with him, but the police had called him to attend an identity parade, so he was going to join him later at the reception. It was maybe just as well, after all, the focus of the day should be the bride and groom and he was going to busy helping out. As their parents were not going to be there, Christian was chuffed to bits that Jane had asked him to give her away, and he liked Phil. He was such an improvement over Ian, he worshipped Jane, and he had never seen his sister in such high spirits.

He arrived at the house to the sound of delighted giggles from his four favourite girls. Jane looked stunning in a cream tailored suit; Lucy and Amy were dressed in the same deep blue contrasting with their blond hair and Roxy – well Roxy was just Roxy, still teetering on high heels and looking great in a strappy, multi coloured mini dress. She was helping the others with their hair and make-up at the same down as she and Lucy were downing shots – it was a miracle that they didn't all end up looking like clowns! Amy was bouncing off the walls with excitement so Christian took his god daughter outside to let off steam with dire warnings ringing in their ears about keeping clean and tidy.

By the time he returned Amy was calmer, but the rest of the girls had been talking and he faced an interrogation led by Roxy about his love life, and his new living arrangements. He maintained a cheeky grin telling them all would be revealed in time. He was glad when the car came to collect the Roxy, Lucy and Amy and he was left alone with Jane.

"Happy?" said Christian

"Oh Christian, I never thought I would feel like this again. Phil's wonderful, I am so sure this is going to work, he wants the same things that I do and he doesn't come with baggage and complications."

"Yeh, well he got my vote when he put you upon that pedestal and treated you like a lady instead or a skivvy."

"Not to mention like a mum – you know the adoption papers are in and the agency says our chances are very good."

"Oh sis, you'll make great parents, I wish you both the very best – you know anything I can do to help I will."

"Of course I do. What about you Christian, you're serious about this bloke aren't you? I haven't seen such a sparkle in your eyes since ... well not for years. I just worry you have rushed into things."

Christian laughed at the irony, "You'll see Sis, when you see him you'll know I'm right."

He heard the sound of the car drawing up outside. "It's time, last chance to change your mind!"

"No way, and thanks Christian – thanks for all your help over the last few years, and for giving me away today."

"Jane, I would do anything for you, and really I'm so honoured that you asked me."

They hugged before he escorted her to the car. When they arrived at the Church, Jane's nerves kicked in and she started babbling about all the things that might go wrong. It took him five minutes at the door of the church to settle her back down, as soon as they entered and she saw Phil waiting patiently at the altar her panic turned to elation and Christian couldn't take his eyes off her ecstatic face as they walked down the aisle with her arm on his. It was with great pride he handed her over to Phil and as the ceremony progressed he looked down with a tear in his eye as Amy curled her fingers around his and beamed a smile at him.

As they left the Church the photographer took a few pictures but the main ones were to be taken at the reception so he watched Jane and Phil leave together and then he bundled Lucy, Peter, Bobby, Amy and Roxy into the next car and for the first time surveyed the guests as they drove away.

Their parents should have been here, he thought. Not that he particularly wanted to see his Dad but he wouldn't have minded catching up with his Mum again, but Jane hadn't wanted a fuss, and she was going to be able to see them when she was away for her honeymoon. Most of the guests were from Phil's side of the family, unlike them he had a large extended family with brothers and sisters and a raft of cousins and nieces and nephews.

There were a few familiar faces - Tanya of course, Chelsea with a very fit bloke on her arm, there was Bianca and Ricky. He hadn't seen them since he left for Barcelona. Ronnie was there too, looked like she was on her own, he wondered where Jack was. As the car sped off he spied Denise out the corner of his eye and his jaw dropped as he saw who she was talking to, Zainab and Masood!

As soon as they arrived at the reception he told Roxy to cover from him and nipped off to warn Syed, he called but there was no answer. He sent a text and shifted nervously as he saw the first of the guests arrive. He called again, but no response and eventually turned back as he heard Roxy calling him.

Inside the hotel Jane broke free from Phil, promised the photographer she would join them in a minute, then marched over and hissed in Syed's ear "What the hell are you doing here, you weren't invited. I want you to leave now before Christian sees you!"

Before he could answer a worried looking Christian turned the corner.

"I'm sorry Christian," said Jane "I didn't invite him."

"I know you didn't invite him – but I did." said Christian with a frown "Syed, we have a problem, your parents are here."

"I know Christian, they might have a problem, but **we **don't." Syed replied calmly.

Jane looked from one to the other – trying to figure out what was going on, finally as Christian reached out to Syed, the penny dropped and she squealed with delight.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Lucy, hearing Jane's laughter joined them. She looked Syed up and down.

"You're back then." she said

"Looks like it." Said Syed

"How long for this time?" she accused

"For as long as he wants." he nodded at Christian.

"Guess that'll be forever then." grinned Christian.

Lucy simply shrugged her shoulders "About time." She led Jane away to meet the guests who were starting to arrive. Syed pulled Christian out of the reception area to the bar.

"Look Christian I am not going to do this here, I don't want your sister's memory of her wedding to be spoiled by me and my parents having a shouting match. Don't look at me like that, I am not chickening out. I know them, they won't stay long and I can join you afterwards."

Christian protested but Syed's new found confidence made him stubborn and nothing he could say would change his mind. Despondently he turned back to the proceedings alone, wondering about the real reason for his reticence to face up to his parents. Shadows from the past cast doubts in Christian's mind. He sighed, would Syed's family forever be the ghost in their relationship would they yet draw him back in? He really didn't think he cope with being hurt again.

He had waited this long, he reminded himself, another few hours wouldn't kill him, and come what may they would be going to the same home tonight, which meant something. He fixed a well practiced smile on his face, grabbed a glass of champagne and returned to his sister's side greeting the guests. It wasn't until the photographer started that Jane realised he was gone.

"Christian, I don't care if Zainab makes a scene, just go get Syed. Phil, tell him he should be here with us."

"What my wife wants – my wife gets. Go on Christian; drag him back here if you need to."

He didn't need much encouragement and went off to the bar. There was no sign of Syed, Christians heart sunk, had Syed fled? He searched the functions rooms, the reception, the hallway but nothing. Neither Syed nor his parents were to be found. He walked out into the cold sunshine, his brow furrowed and tears threatening his eyes; had he lost Syed already? He turned to go back inside when he heard a familiar raised voice.

"What are you doing here, why have you come – don't you think you have brought enough shame on your mother and me?"

Christian's first instinct was to weigh in and defend him, but the small part of him that still carried the doubt from five years of waiting needed to witness Syed standing up to his family.

"I didn't know you would be here, I have no wish to disrespect either of you, and you are still my parents."

"Well you are not my son." said Mason. "Why are you here?"

Christian was struck by the calmness of Shed's voice in comparison to the pent up anger of his father.

"I'm here with my boyfriend; all I want to do is live my life. My **own** life, not the one you would like me to live."

"Boyfriend!" shouted Zainab "Don't tell me you and that disgusting blackmailer..."

"No..."

"So you fell into bed with the first man that took an interest in you..."

"No Mum, I happen to be with someone who gave me time and space and who cares for me, who has patiently waited for me to come to my senses. You will never understand how lucky I am, I thought I had thrown my life away and he saved me. "

Christian had heard enough, he strode over and slung his arm around Syed, letting his fingers sweep over the sensitive skin at the nape of his neck, gently caressing his shoulder as a gesture of support and drawing him closer to him, a signal of defiance to his parents. He was staking his claim.

"This is where you are Sy."

"You!" spat Zainab.

Christian felt Syed's muscles tense as Zainab started a verbal assault on him. He cut in, knowing his words would slice like a knife, but he didn't care.

"Sy, Jane says since you're practically **family**, you should be in the photographs – you coming?"

Masood's face hardened, but Zainab's crumpled.

"That's it, come on Zee, we're leaving, **now**." As Masood walked around the car to get in, Zainab's mouth twitched at the corners. She held Syed's gaze her eyes imploring him to understand, to come back to her.

"Christian makes me happy Mum."

She was close to tears, unable to speak. Out of his father's line of sight Syed took his mother's hand, pressed a business card into it and curled her fingers around it. She thrust it into her pocket.

"Get in touch, any time."

Christian thought of all the years he wasted with his own mother, he guessed Zainab thought that as long as Syed was on his own he would eventually return to the family home and the family way of life, now she looked defeated. Feeling a twinge of guilt, he held open the car door for her and echoed

"Any time at all."

They watched the car drive off; Christian reached up to push a nonexistent curl from Syed's face, grazed his lips against his cheek and whispered in his ear. "C'mon gorgeous, let's go and add a touch of class to my sister's wedding photographs."

"I think that's your job isn't it?" Syed blushed with a carefree laugh and they strode hand in hand back to the hotel.

"Oh come on Christian," called Jane "the photographer has been waiting ages for you two!"

"Not as long as I have." grinned Christian.


	11. Chapter 11

_Apologies for the ridiculous time since I started this, but just got the writing bug back. A light fluffy chapter to get back into it before Chryed have a proper date._

**Chapter 11**

That was the thing about weddings; they brought out the best and the worst in families and they were a hotbed for gossip. Even so, Christian was surprised how many friends or clients asked if it was true that the eternal party animal was finally settling down. He wanted to give the whole "love across the years" story but only a handful of people knew about their original affair and while Christian would happily shout it from the rooftops, Syed was still trying to get access to his children, so the less said the better.

Zainab and Masood had obviously told Amira and Quadim and it was clear that any hopes Syed had for friendly access arrangements were shot. Christian had expected Syed to take this badly, but he remained calm and insistent and his lawyers were confident of his case if it went to court.

Three weeks had passed since the wedding and even living under the same roof they hardly saw each other; their working lives were both so busy and so out of sync they barely had time off together.

"Early start tomorrow?" Syed asked watching Christian packing up his training gear for the next day.

"Yeh, first client at 6am then right through to 4pm."

"Oh, I had a meeting with the Germans but they cancelled so I have a whole day free, can you manage lunch?

"Sorry babe I agreed to meet Jane she's back from Canada, sure she would love to see you though if you want to join us?"

"Back already I thought she had another week. It's OK though I will leave you two to gossip about me. Anyway I wasn't really thinking about food for lunch."

Christian stopped in his tracks. "Easy tiger, mind you I like the sound of that, tell you what let me phone around see if I can rearrange some clients."

Syed watched as Christian pulled out his appointment book and with his easy banter and a little persuasion he managed to clear the afternoon. By this time it was after eight and they still hadn't eaten. Syed cooked and they ate in the kitchen.

"So we have a date tomorrow afternoon then. How about we try and re-organise our lives so we actually get to do this again."

"A date – I like the sound of that, we have never really done the whole going out thing before have we Sy? Too busy meeting in dark alleys! What do you have in mind?"

Syed blushed, both from the shame of the way he had treated Christian in the past, and the stirring in the groin from the memory of those stolen kisses not to mention outright groping. "You're right," he said contritely, "time I showed you off properly."

Christian read his mind accurately and nudged him, "Hey we did have fun, and there is something really hot about alleyways!"

"Well not tomorrow – we are going out for a posh date, I'll organise it and pick you up here, dressed to kill, at 2:30 OK? Oh and by the way I think I should hire us a joint PA, save you having to do bookings and paperwork, and they might just be able to coordinate our diaries so that we don't only see each other when we are shattered and ready for bed."

Christian grinned "Sounds good to me, but Sy don't think any amount juggling of diaries will mean we won't be ready for bed when we meet."

Syed whacked him with his diary "I thought you preferred alleyways!"


	12. Chapter 12

_So Chryed finally get a proper date, apologies this will fall over two chapters and has a "cheesy" alert._

**Chapter 12**

Jane was already at the café when he arrived, still in his training gear without having had time for a shower.

"Sorry sis, my last client was late, I had to run over here. You however look relaxed and happy."

"That might be because I am. Mum and Dad send their love."

"How was the honeymoon, do they approve?"

"Oh it was just wonderful Christian. Phil got a gold seal of approval and Bobby just loved it, Mum fussed over him."

She fished out a bunch of photos from her handbag. "Here, there's some from Canada and the proofs from the wedding." They looked through them together picking out the ones to get copied. They came across the first one with him and Syed.

"Well, are you still with him then?" He looked offended. "Oh come on Christian, with your track record three weeks is a long time. Are you sure you've done the right thing? I know you have held a candle for him all this time, but it has all been rather sudden. Meeting up again and moving in with him inside a week. How can you be sure?"

"I just am sis, I thought you would be happy for me."

"I am Christian, I just worry about you. After all when it comes right down to it what do you and Syed have in common. Mum says he might be the making of you, but I'm concerned, you're so stubborn. I just don't see you changing your lifestyle to suit Syed, and I can't see him changing either. How have you been getting on so far?"

"To be honest we have hardly seen each other, he's so busy. When we are together, it is wonderful, even better than I remembered. Besides I was never just besotted from afar, we were together for five months."

"No Christian, that's the point, you were never really together. The whole time you were seeing him he was going out with Amira. She was the one who got all the conventional trappings, he married her, had kids with her. You just had…"

"Don't Jane – don't say we just had sex, it wasn't like that, and we really were, are, in love. He just wasn't ready to admit he was gay or to walk away from the life his family planned for him."

"And he is now? Christian, it's not healthy for him to turn his back on everything he was. Oh I hope you're right, I want you to be right, I want you to be happy – I just don't get the two or you."

"You don't have to Sis, all I need you to do is accept that we are, maybe you just need to get to know him, the real him not the façade that you knew at Masala Queen."

"OK, OK why don't you come over for Sunday lunch sometime, the kids would love to see you."

"That would be great, I'll find out when Sy's free."

Christian arrived at the flat and went straight for a shower, as the water soothed his aching muscles he pondered over Jane's words. Had they moved too fast? All his adult life he had never actually lived with anyone else, at least not for more than a few weeks at a time.

He padded through to the bedroom and rooted through the wardrobe – what should he wear, Syed had said posh, but it was the middle of the day. He suddenly realised he was nervous, that was just ridiculous, they lived together, they had battled to be together, they had nothing to prove, it was just a bit of fun going out for a date together wasn't it?

He settled for a suit, as he'd said to Ronnie a suit makes a certain statement. He ironed a crisp white shirt, picked a tie and primped his hair to perfection then checked his watch, 2:25. Syed wasn't back yet – he checked his phone for messages but nothing. He slipped on his jacket checked himself in the mirror and wondered whether he should phone to see if there was change of plans. The doorbell went and he cursed under his breath, now was not a good time for visitors.

He opened the door – and there stood Syed, looking absolutely stunning. He was wearing a dark suit, not one he had seen before and high collar open necked shirt. The suit fitted him perfectly, showing off his lithe body. He stroked his finger across the lapel, soft to touch just like the body it encased. He looked at him quizzically. "Forgotten your keys?"

"No you fool, I'm calling for you!" he grinned holding out his hand. Christian took it and lifted it to his lips.

"C'mon the car is waiting outside."

Christian reached for him, breathing in his scent arching an eyebrow "Are you sure you want to go out?, he couldn't wait to have the pleasure of unwrapping the gift stood in front of him.

"Patience Christian – there will be plenty of time for that too!"

"Where are we going?"

"Patience Christian!"

They climbed into the back of the car and the driver negotiated the heavy traffic. They sat close to one another, fingers touching, thighs pressing.

"Well how was Jane?"

"In great form, marriage obviously suits her, well this one does anyway. She invited us over for Sunday lunch sometime, are up for that?"

"Yeah, of course, how about your parents, maybe we should go out and see them sometime."

"Really?" Christian was surprised at Syed's readiness to meet his family. "Not that we would ever get the time to go out to Canada."

"Well maybe we can persuade them to come here?"

"I had a look at the wedding photos, you look amazing in them."

"You're supposed to be looking at the bride and groom you know, not ogling the guests."

"It'll be nice to have a photo of us together. All these years and I have never had one and that photo you have of me is dire."

"Do you have one of me?"

Christian opened his wallet and pulled out a photo taken at one of the Masala Queen events. He was wearing a dinner jacket and bow tie and his hair was long and curling over his collar. The photograph was every bit as dog-eared as the one that Syed had of him.

"My hair's so long."

"Sexy through"

"I promised I'd grow it back. Then I'll replace this for you."

"No – this one's kept me company for a long time, I like it, it has some good memories."

"And some bad ones."

The car stopped at the gates of St James Park. Syed thanked the driver and asked him to pick them up at 6pm. It was a bright afternoon and the park was full of people.

"Why do you focus on the bad memories Sy, don't you remember the good times too."

"Of course I do, but I can't think back without feeling guilt."

"You did what you had to do."

"I didn't do the right thing though."

"Look Sy, the only people who never make mistakes are people who never do anything, you did what you thought was right, you thought about everyone but yourself, and you tried really hard to make it work. Don't be so hard on yourself."

"I didn't think of you."

"I forgave you a long time ago, but if it makes you feel better you can make it up to me now." He stopped in his tracks, "That's not the only reason you're with me now is it? Because you feel guilty?"

"Of course not, how could you even think that Christian."

"I don't, really I don't, it's just something Jane was said to me earlier about us moving too quickly."

A frisbee went whizzing over their heads, and Christian had to grab a hold of Syed to prevent collision with an excited boy and his equally excited dog in hot pursuit.

"Oh the exuberance of youth." Laughed Christian

"Says the man who is out running with his clients at 6 am, and incapable of sitting still for any length of time unless he is being entertained."

He expected Syed to pull away from him, but he took him by the hand and led him towards the bandstand. As they approached, the sounds of a band warming-up began to float through the air. They joined the crowd of onlookers and spent the next few hours huddled together talking, joking, laughing and listening to a fine jazz band.

They strolled back to the waiting car. Christian knew that whatever the outside world may think that they were right to trust their instincts, to trust their love – that this was just right.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

As they entered the restaurant Christian's phone rang so he loitered by the door as Syed went to get their table. He watched with amusement as he saw the waiter give Syed the once-over his eyes lingering on his arse. As he flipped the phone shut, he positively bristled when he saw said waiters fingers on Syed's arm. He hurried, just in time to hear the waiter say, "Table for one Mr Masood, please follow me."

Christian slung his arm around Syed's shoulder possessively.

"That will be a table for two."

The waiter gave him a withering look that would have stopped a lesser man dead, but Christian had met his type before and returned with a stare which left no room for doubt as to who was in charge. With a disapproving grimace he led them to a table in an alcove.

"I don't like that waiter."

"Why, he's nice enough, I've been here before and the service is excellent."

"I'll bet it is, the way he was looking at you Sy I don't think he intended the service to complete with the meal."

"Are you jealous Christian?" Syed looked bemused "I'm sure you are imagining things, he is perfectly friendly, last time I was here he gave me his number to phone if I ever had a problem getting a table.."

Christian's eyebrows shot up

"Oh," realisation hit Syed and a bright flush crept up his neck and face "Oh you don't think…"

"Eh yes I do think. Syed please don't tell me you used that number to book the table tonight did you?"

"Well yes."

"Well at least it explains the dirty look when he saw me."

"Should I apologise to him?"

Christian roared with laughter. "And rub salt in the wounds Syed, no I think maintaining blissful ignorance is the best policy. I really am going to have to chaperone you aren't I? Not sure you can be trusted out on your own."

As it was, the problem removed itself, a different waiter came to take their order. Christian had to acknowledge that both the food and the service were excellent.

"Christian you don't think Jane was right do you…..about us moving too quickly."

"Yes and no. From my point of view no, I have never been so sure of anything, but I worry about you. Maybe you should have given yourself more time to, I dunno to find yourself. You need to come to terms with such a huge change in your life, me being with you is an added complication when dealing with you family too."

"What you want me to find myself with him" he nodded to the waiter.

"No! Look Sy, all I want for you, all I have ever wanted for you, is to be happy, sometimes that means people have to spread their wings and make sure the grass isn't greener elsewhere. I worry that I have denied you that chance, that's all."

"I am happy Christian, and I am sure I will resolve access with my kids, it just might take longer than I thought it would, I just hope they haven't forgotten me by the time I do." He took Christian's hand in his, "Let's go home, and you can remind me just how lucky I am to have you."

They decided to walk home in the fresh night air.

"It's been a pretty awesome day Sy, we really do need to make time to do this more often."

"Yeah, where are you going to take me, revisit old haunts – rocking in Vauxhall?"

"Like I'm going to risk you going clubbing, I would have to beat them back. There are better memories to revisit Sy, come here."

He suddenly grabbed Syed by the hand and dragged him up a narrow lane, pushing him up against the wall, "Bring back memories?" his voice dripped with lust.

"Christian, someone might see us."

"So…." before he could say anything else he captured him into a bruising kiss, Syed responded instinctively. Christian kept up the pressure, slipped a hand inside his jacket pulling his shirt up in search of flesh. When he made contact he felt a shudder run through Syed's body. He let Syed gasp in some air and kissed his way down his neck, massaging his pulse point with his tongue, nipping and sucking. He could feel Sy's pulse racing and the breath caught in his throat. He loved that he was still such a slave to his desires.

He dropped his hand and cupped his hardness, Syed cried out and Christian put his other hand over his mouth. "SShh" he whispered into his ear, "If you don't want to be to be found you'll have to be quiet, OK?" He stepped back a bit and looked at Syed who was standing head back against the wall, breathless and looking distinctly disheveled. Fuck if he didn't look good enough to eat.

Without losing eye contact he crouched down, unzipped his trousers and ran his hand up and down Syed's cock before taking it into his mouth. Syed gasped and put his fist into his mouth biting hard to stop him calling out. Christian didn't waste time bringing him to completion. He swallowed him down, licking and sucking him clean. He stood up and kissed the bite marks on Syed's hand, leaning over him with the smuggest of grins.

"Bastard," breathed Syed, "You are so going to pay for that when I get you home."

Christian tucked his shirt back I and straightened his jacket, slung an arm around and pulled him back onto the street setting a brisk pace.

"Babe – I'm counting on that."


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Susie was beginning to transform their lives. When Christian first met her, he thought she spoke a different language, he could use computers but when people started using jargon and lingo he tended to zone out. She ran Syed's office and it was pretty clear who was boss – while she deferred to him on business decisions when it came to organising things, she took no prisoners and was not above telling him if she thought he was being inefficient with his time. She told him where to go and when and made sure he did it. She wasn't actually hostile to Christian, but she clearly saw him as a possible intrusion to her working relationship with Syed and a distraction to his working life.

Christian was a bit worried about her "helping" him; he had a personal relationship with all his clients and was worried how they would take to someone else in the mix. So when she came to the house talking about databases and apps and things that meant absolutely nothing to him he was downright scared. Syed persuaded him to give her a try, she promised him faithfully that if he wasn't happy she would put everything back the way it was, but she had such a smug look on her face he guessed she had made that sort of promise before and never had it put to the test.

So he had let her take away a copy of his appointment book and customer list and she had done her magic. She organised everything, so that all he had to do when he met his clients was push a few buttons on his phone and Susie took care of everything else from appointments to the tax man. On top of that the clients loved her, she was efficient and available and his confidence in her grew. If she couldn't sort things out during the working day she would have no hesitation coming over to see them both in the evening and she sometimes stayed on for dinner. The more she saw them together, the more she warmed to Christian, saw how his relaxed attitude to life was actually good for Syed, and that he was there for the long term. And so it was that slots started to appear in their diaries for "Chryed" time.

It was after one such late morning that Christian was clearing up from a lazy breakfast in bed, Syed had just left for a meeting and he had an hour before he needed to leave for his first client and the doorbell went.

He opened the door, and immediately pulled his dressing gown tighter around himself.

"Zainab! I'm afraid you've just missed Sy, he's left for work. I can call him if you like."

"No, no, I saw him go. It was you I wanted to talk to."

"Oh come in, let me get you a coffee while I get dressed."

He poured a coffee and went into the bedroom and pulled on a pair of jeans and a tee-shirt took a deep breath before going to face Syed's mother.

True to form she was in the kitchen finishing off the dishes and clearly looking for signs of neglect. He stacked the dishes away, refilled her cup and they sat opposite each other at the breakfast bar.

"Is it true?" she asked

"Is what true?"

"When Syed said at Jane's wedding that you waited for him, is it true, did you and he…"

"Zainab, I really think you should be talking to Syed about all of this."

"Why Christian, when he has lied to me for years. How do I know that he will tell me the truth?"

"Has he lied, or have you ever stopped to listen to him?"

"Is it true?"

"Yes it's true; we were together for five months."

"And who broke it off?"

"He did, one day he said he loved me, the next he broke it off."

"He said he loved you? And you, did you love him?"

"Yes, I did then, and I do now."

"So if he loved you, why did he break it off."

"Because he wasn't ready to admit to himself he was gay. It was the night of Masood's accident; he said it was a judgment from Allah."

"That's crazy."

"Well I thought so too at the time but you know Sy, when he gets something in his head…"

"So… this was going on while he was engaged to Amira, is that why you suddenly disappeared to Barcelona without warning? You couldn't bear to see him happily married, to accept that he wasn't gay then."

"Not gay! Zainab being gay is not something you catch, you either are or you are not, and Syed was gay then, as he is now. Happy? Is that what he was? I'm not going to lie to you, I did try and persuade him to leave with me; I even thought about stopping the wedding, but I couldn't do that to him, I couldn't take him out him in front of his family or take away his dream life. In the end I loved him enough to let him go. I knew he was making a mistake, but I thought with me out of the picture he would have a better chance to try and make it work."

"But you did come back into his life and you did take him away from his family."

Christian shook his head. "No Zainab, he told you the truth, you couldn't handle it and you cut him off from his family. Syed wants to remain close to you all, but he also wants you to accept him for who he is. He set himself free, he came looking for me, and because he was ready I came back into his life. All I want is for him to be happy."

She sat for a while taking in what she had heard.

"Would you do it again Christian; do you still love him enough to let him go? If the only thing that stood between Syed and his children was you, would you leave?"

Christian got up and walked to the window trying to curb his anger, he thought about just opening the door and ushering her out. He should have known better than even engage in conversation with Zainab, he should have known that she had some twisted motive for being here.

"Do you want to punish him so badly Zainab?". She remained stubbornly silent.

"Well to answer your question. I will always do what I think is right for Sy. So it depends. If the purpose is to pop him back into the closet, to go back into an existence that would make him miserable, then the answer is no, I will fight you tooth and nail all the way. If however it would give him access to his kids and still let him be all that he can be then yeah, I would step back and give him some space to do it. But I have to tell you Zainab, if I did I can't say how he would react, and I would always be there for him. Sy and I were meant to be. So what is it that you are suggesting? What is it that you want me to do?"

"Nothing. I just needed to know."

"Know what?"

"I love my son, it has been difficult for me to accept that for all that he and I we have lived in each other's pockets since the day he came to Walford I have never really known him. You, who have hardly seen him, you seem to know him. Family is important Christian; I don't want Syed's children growing up knowing as little about their father as it seems that I do. If I am going to fight for him to have access to his children I needed to know more about him, and it seems that to do that I need to know about you."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

All through the day as he put his clients through their paces Zainab's words haunted him. He hadn't been so scared since he had reconnected with Syed, was he standing between him and his children? All he wanted was for him to be happy, he knew how much he missed his kids, how much they meant to him. He wasn't enough for Syed in the past, was there any reason to expect that he was now?

As he sent the last client of the day home he checked his phone, texts from Susi and Syed saying Syed had to attend a business dinner. No hurry to return home then, so he plugged in the iPod and took to the streets for a run. His feet pounded the pavement as he got into a rhythm with the beat of the music. He needed a long run, not just to give him time to think but in the hope the endorphins would kick in and help bring him some much needed calm.

Forty minutes in and the questions were still circulating around his head but there were no answers, none that made any sense anyway. He needed to talk to someone, someone who might be able to help, but he just didn't know who would really understand. So he turned up the music to drown out the noises in his head and kept on running. He weaved his way through hoards of commuters in their darks suits looking tired and harassed emerging from the underground and thanked his lucky stars that he wasn't confined to the shackles of desks and computers. Images of Sy stretching out to ease his muscles having spent hours hunched over his laptop caused his feet to automatically make for home.

After a full day of clients and an impromptu run he really, really needed a shower. He swung open the door of the flat, kicking it shut, stowed his gear and started to peel off his clothes heading for the kitchen. He grinned at the yellow post it note "Sorry I had to go out, left you carbs! Be home by midnight, miss you XXXXX Sy." He peered in the oven to be greeted by the delightful waft of a still warm pasta bake. He dipped in a fork and savoured the taste, typical Sy, pepped up with a few spices, totally delicious. He pushed it back into the heat, gulped down some orange juice and strolled toward the shower stripping the rest off his clothes off and depositing them in the washing basket. He spied another yellow sticky, "Be thinking of you XXX" with a heart around it. 'Soppy git' he thought but couldn't wipe the smile from his face. He walked into the bathroom and tutted at the wet towel hanging over the the shower screen, he yanked it down to expose yet another yellow note "Think of us? I was!" 'Cheeky minx.'

Christian couldn't help thinking how far his once coy boyfriend had come. He was always a tiger when aroused, but embarrassed about admitting it to himself. Now that he had conquered his inhibitions, he was becoming even more of a tease, giving as good as he got. He loved it! He showered quickly, then with a towel wrapped around his waist and another slung around his neck capturing the drips from his still wet hair he grabbed his phone and snapped a photo sending it Syed with the message, 'Waiting for you….XXXX' What was this boy doing to him? He was turning into such a sap!

With the radio chattering in the background to break the silence he wrapped himself in his dressing gown and sat at the dining table to eat, wondering how his gorgeous boyfriend was getting on dealing with all those boring business people. No doubt charming them with his easy manners and soft voice, he wondered if they even guessed what lay behind that demure exterior – those nerves of steel, that determination and above all, all that pent up passion! He was so glad he didn't have to share that side of him with anyone else, the Syed only he got to see and he never wanted to lose it again.

His eyes drifted over to the family photo, 'Oh Sy, I want you to have it all, the business; the family and to be who you are.' He cleared away and sat on the sofa toying with the phone, picking it up, putting it down again ….. trying to decide what to do. He was still musing, deep in thought when the shrill sound of the phone brought him back to the moment.

He smiled when he saw the name flash….it was obviously a week for them.

"Hi Mum!"

"Well Christian, I hope you are treating that nice young man properly?"

Jane had clearly been in touch since she got back. He interspersed the one sided conversation with responses to a few questions and a lot of "Yes Mum" 's. When she finally stopped issuing her unasked for advice she paused.

"I worry about you Christian."

"Mum, I'm a grown man; I haven't needed you to worry about me for years."

"If you had children Christian you would realise parents never stop worrying, never. Even when they are pigheaded and don't speak to you for years. You have spent all you life drifting, like you were trying to find something, can you really settle down now?"

He sighed, "Yeh, well maybe that's true. But I'm not lost now, I've found him Mum, he is the one, and there is nothing I wouldn't do for him."

Her voiced softened "I will remind you of that next time I hear you are acting like a spoilt child you know."

"I have no doubt you will." He laughed.

"I'm happy for you, son, be good to him, and it wouldn't hurt for you to phone me from time to time you know. I shouldn't have to wait to hear from your sister to find out what's going on in your life, you know."

"OK, OK – tell you what when Sy and I go over to Jane and Phil we will get a Skype session set up, will that do you?"

"I'd like that, bye until then."

Well two down, one to go. With added resolve he abandoned his mobile and picked up the landline and punched in the speed dial. A voice answered, his nerves kicked in as he heard

"Syed, don't phone me, I don't have anything else to say …."

"It's not Syed, its Christian, please don't hang up," there was a shocked silence at the other end "Amira, please just listen…..."


	16. Chapter 16

_**Apologies in advance for what will end up a very "cheesy" chapter; I hope you can learn to live with it! **_

_**I promise you more fun and frolics in future chapters.**_

_**Reviews are welcome – if you want the forces of nature that are Zainab and Linda to come together you will have to tell me!**_

**Chapter 16**

Syed glanced at his watch, it was already after midnight and he was bored. He zoned out as yet another speech started, the event organisation was a shambles. He had been invited by one of his customers who were up for an award, so he didn't feel he could just slip away un-noticed. It was a plush do, in a posh hotel, with a five course meal, each course interspersed with talks from local dignitaries and business gurus hosted by a minor TV celeb who did their best to inject some humour into what was a thoroughly dull, very long and grossly over-running night.

He scanned the room; there must be about 200 people there, some looking expectant obviously waiting for the award ceremony to start in earnest. The majority, like him, were fidgeting on less than comfy chairs, just dying to go home. There was a ripple of applause which he joined in a perfunctory manner. He wondered what Christian was doing.

On his last trip to the loo he had texted him to say he was running late and not to wait up. Had he taken him at his word? He unconsciously flipped open his phone to see the image of that cheeky grin, fresh out of the shower looking back at him. He hoped he was in bed; he wanted nothing more than to get home, divest himself of this formal suit, slip under the sheets straight into those strong embracing arms, the bed already warmed from the furnace that was Christian's body. What if was asleep? Should he wake him? He worked so hard and would no doubt be up before 6am. Maybe he should just let him sleep. Then he remembered the pleasure of been woken up by the sensation of a hot wet mouth pleasuring him, of waking to an orgasm building, merging dreams and reality in the way that only he could. No, he couldn't wait until morning to taste him again; if he was sleeping he would coax him back to consciousness in a way that he would definitely approve of. He shifted himself in his seat to try and get more comfortable and pulled his napkin over his lap to hide the stirring he felt in his groin, when he suddenly became aware of a bright light on him and a roar of applause. His host for the evening shot to his feet as the people at the table offered their hands in congratulations. Syed blushed and patted him on the arm to offer his best wishes for …. well whatever it was he had clearly just won.

He tried to refocus on the now as he watched his host stride to the podium and give what was thankfully a short acceptance speech. As the proceedings of the evening finally drew to a close he thanked his host profusely, declined the offer to go on to a club to celebrate his award and went round the table making his goodbyes. It took a good half hour to extricate himself from the many business contacts that wanted to speak to him, by the time he got into a taxi is was 1:15am he'd be home in twenty minutes, and not a minute too soon.

He slipped the key into the door quietly and let himself in; the living room was in subdued lighting with just one small table lamp on. He adjusted to the semi darkness and stood for a moment. Christian looked up at him putting a finger to his lips then stretched his hand out to beckon him over.

Without a word he walked over and knelt down at his feet, he looked into the those green eyes in amazement then at the slim frame of Amira, who was curled up beside him, sleeping with her head resting against his chest, her face streaked with mascara, his arm around her creating a haven that he himself so often enjoyed. At her feet the two children lay sound asleep. Salena had her thumb in her mouth and Jalil had his arm over his teddy bear, which he would never admit to having, but would never sleep without. They were dressed in their pyjamas with a quilted blanket that his mother had sewn when Jalil was born lying over them. Salena had kicked the blanket off her legs and like he had done a hundred times before he reached over and tucked it around her.

"Help me to get them to bed." Christian whispered in his ear, before effortlessly sweeping up a fragile Amira in his arms and carrying her through to the spare bedroom. Syed picked up first one then the other sleeping child and followed him placing them gently on the bed beside their mother. Christian removed Amira's shoes and put them with her bag at the end of the bed. "I'll leave you to it." He whispered and closed the bedroom door behind him.

Syed kissed the children on their foreheads, they barely stirred. He watched then intently looking sweet and innocent as they slept. He had missed this so much, had been worried he would never get to do this again. He stroked their cheeks and kissed them again.

He walked around to the other side of the bed and stared at Amira's tear stained face, her breathing was regular but shallow. He shook his head, she hated going to bed with her make-up on, she was going to feel so bad tomorrow morning when she saw those black streaks. He pulled the baby wipes from the top of her bag and tenderly stroked one across her cheeks to take away the worst of it. She stirred and he heard his name fall from her lips. He kissed her cheek, the sweet smell of the baby wipe quickly being overtaken by the intensity of her exotic perfume. "I do care" he said out in a soft voice, and he did, he truly did. But it wasn't there – the flutter of the heart, the butterflies in the stomach, the stirring that he felt every time he breathed in the scent of Christian, it wasn't there for Amira. He loved her, she was the mother of his children, but it wasn't there and it never had been.

He crept out, Christian had tidied up, the living room was now in darkness, and their bedroom door was ajar with a soft light streaming out, drawing him in. He stood in the doorway just watching him for a moment, so many questions in his head, but only one thing he needed to say.

He walked over to him, placing his hands on his naked chest, breathing him in and trailed his hands upwards until they cupped both sides of his face, his thumbs tracing his jaw-line then rubbing over his lips. Christian gently kissed the pad of each thumb, their eyes remained locked together.

Christian wrapped one arm around his waist and with his other teased his bow tie.

"You look gorgeous."

"Christian Clarke, I love you so much it scares me, you know me, really know me, I don't deserve you."

"And I love you Syed Masood, you deserve to be happy, that's all I want for you."


	17. Chapter 17

_**This chapter was a real struggle, so apologies in advance it not that great**_.

**Chapter 17**

Syed had only managed a couple of hours sleep, he got up before his tossing and turning woke Christian. Don't expect too much, that's what Christian warned, Amira was still hurting. Well he expected that, he had never wanted to hurt her but he wasn't stupid, he knew it was an inevitable consequence of walking away. It wasn't the affirmation of the fact that troubled him so much; it was as Christian's explanation of her state of mind.

"She's lost babe," he had said "remember how you described how you felt after your 'overdose', how there was no-one to talk to, no-one who understood…..well that's her now. Her dad won't let her mention your name, your parents aren't much better, it's not the kind of thing she can discuss with anyone in the community, her dad controls all her friends and she's not ready to forgive you. That's why despite knowing about you and me, she came over. At least she could talk to me about it; shouting at me was probably a good way to get rid of some of that pent up fury."

He had thought if nothing else she would always have the support of family around her that they would be on her side, that she would never be alone.

He heard the door creak open and the tentative steps of tiny feet venturing out. Then the calm was broken by an explosion of exuberance, "Daddy, Daddy Daddy" shrieked Salena, launching herself at him with cuddles and kisses. Within minutes she was joined by a slightly more restrained but no less excited Jalil. He hugged them tightly, listened to their news and the room was filled with giggles and laughter, he felt euphoric.

He looked up to see Christian leaning against the doorway smiling at him indulgently. He looked at him sheepishly,

"Sorry did we wake you?"

"Yeh, nice though."

"Jalil, Salena this is Daddy's friend, he's called Christian." Jalil stepped forward very solemnly and held out a hand to Christian who knelt down and shook it. Salena on the other hand took fright and hid behind Syed looking at him with saucer like eyes. Christian's heart melted, not just because she was beautiful but because those eyes were the double of her fathers. He waved at her; she clung even tighter to Syed.

"Breakfast anyone?" He went to the kitchen and busied himself looking for child friendly food leaving Syed to enjoy time with the children.

"Hungry?" asked Syed "What do you want?"

"I'll ask Mummy" shouted Jalil as he ran through to the bedroom in search of Amira. He bounced back in minutes…

"Mummy just wants coffee, and she says can she borrow a dressing gown too?"

By the time Amira emerged the children were contentedly eating. Syed looked at her, she seemed tired and drawn, but she wouldn't return his look or his greeting. Instead she checked on the children and laid a hand on Christian's arm. He bent over and kissed her cheek with a light "Morning beautiful". She automatically flushed and smiled at him and Syed felt an unexpected stab of jealousy. Breakfast continued with some light hearted chatter but without any direct contact between husband and wife.

"I need to get home before Dad returns." Amira addressed Christian "but I didn't bring any clothes for the kids…"

"I could go over and collect some before my first client." He suggested. She raised an eyebrow.

"I don't think they would let either of us over the threshold Christian, look I'll just nip out and buy something." Syed responded. She looked at him, for the first time and nodded, so he left them to it.

"You alright?"

"No." Tears pricked at her eyes. Jalil seeing his mother upset came to her side. Christian hugged her. Emboldened by the fact that Mummy was clearly not frightened by the strange man, Salena ventured towards him. She poked at his arm like she couldn't quite believe it was real, he tickled her and before long she had climbed onto his knee.

"Problem is, I still love him."

"I can't blame you for that. Thank you, thank you for coming over and bringing these two with you."

"It was nice to have someone who to talk to, sorry I gave you such a hard time."

"Can't blame you for that either. So, what next?"

"I don't know."

"Is there anything I can do?"

She shook her head. "Do you mind if we talk again?" He agreed and punched his mobile number into her phone.

Syed returned not just with clothes for the kids, but a bag full of toys and something that looked suspiciously expensive for Amira to change into.

Christian lifted the bag teasing the children, "Why don't you and me take these toys through to the bedroom to open them, so Mummy and Daddy can talk."

Syed looked uncertain, but Amira looked horrified. He touched her hand, "C'mon babe, you need to talk, I'll just be next door….." and left with the children in his wake. From the silence of the living room they could hear the excited squeals and Christian's laughter.

They looked at each other, unsure as to where to start.

"They like him." said Amira

"What's not to like."

"Perhaps the fact he slept with my fiancé." she said dryly

"I'm sorry," he flinched "Don't blame him, it was my fault."

"I wasn't blaming him."

"I chose you, Amira, I still care for you."

"Funny from where I'm standing it doesn't feel like it."

"Be honest Amira, could you have lived the rest of our lives like we have the last year?"

"Honest! You are in no position to lecture me on honesty."

"I know I'm not trying to, I just wanted to explain."

"I don't see how explaining will make things any better."

"What do you want from me Amira?"

"I don't know, I don't know that I want anything from you…. I need to go home."

She turned and called on the children.

"I'll drive you home."

"No it's OK, I'll get a taxi, if Dad sees you he'll go mad. He mustn't know I came here. I will just say we bumped into each other when I was shopping." He nodded and reached for the phone to call a taxi.

Christian looked between the two of them incredulously. "No" he said quietly but emphatically. "Its secrets and lies that brought us here. Now if you are frightened of what your Dad will say then I'll come in and set him straight, but I cannot condone you setting these two on the same path."


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Christian re-read Susie's text, yep she had definitely cancelled their date night on Saturday and was contacting his friends to reschedule. He was going to phone her up and give her an earful, it was one thing her sorting out his working life but that did not give her the right to unilaterally reorganise their private lives.

He would have done so if he didn't have an uncomfortable feeling that Sy was at the back of this. Ever since Amira's departure, by taxi, leaving the whole issue of access unresolved, he had been subdued. He kept saying he was OK, but he clearly wasn't and it annoyed him that he wouldn't talk about it. A night out in Soho with some of his less flamboyant friends might be just what he needed; Syed had agreed but didn't seem overly enthusiastic. He phoned Syed, no answer. Well one way or another they were going to have this out tonight! He elected to go for a drink, it was 7 before he made it home. There was no sign of Syed, was he working late, or avoiding him? He tried to phone again and followed the resulting ringtone to the bedroom and lifted Syed's phone with a frown. At that point Syed emerged from the bathroom.

"There you are, we're going to be late – what should I wear?"

"Late? Late, for what?"

"Eh for Soho, we're meeting Dan and Joe in an hour. Didn't Susie tell you?"

"Tomorrow Sy, its Saturday we were meeting, but Susie cancelled. I tried to call you but you didn't answer. Where were you?"

"Not cancelled – rescheduled for tonight, get a move on Christian."

Confused, Christian showered and dressed; when he came back Syed was in just his jeans, standing in front of a pile of discarded clothes on the bed looking perplexed. Christian grinned at him, he was clearly worried about fitting in.

"C'mon, thought you were in a hurry." He strode over to the wardrobe and passed him a black shirt buttoning it up for him taking the opportunity to slide his finders over his torso, eliciting a small tremor.

"So where were you this afternoon?"

"I went to mosque." Christian's hands halted in surprise, to his knowledge Syed hadn't prayed or been near the mosque since he had left Amira.

"Did it help?"

"It was odd, I felt guilty being there but yeah I feel better for it."

"Good, I'm glad. I don't get it though Sy, why would going to mosque drive you to the flesh pots of Soho a day early."

"Fleshpots! Where are you taking me Christian, I thought we were just going for a few drinks with some of your friends?"

"Chill Sy. Dan and Joe are really nice guys. Joe had a cancer scare a while back and Dan got a real fright, they've been all loved up ever since. So spill, why?"

"Oh, didn't I tell you, we're busy on Saturday night." he said innocently

"We are?"

Syed grinned "The lawyer phoned, we are on babysitting duties this weekend, so come on lets go celebrate."

With spirits high they entered the club, it was still quiet and it didn't take long to meet up with Dan and Joe. They chatted about movies and holidays and there was some good natured ribbing about scrapes that Christian and they had got into in the past. Syed relaxed enjoying the easy camaraderie. As the club started to fill, the music got louder and Christian swaggered to the bar to get a couple of rounds in before it got too busy. Joe was

"So," said Dan, "All pretty sudden you and Christian, how did you guys meet?"

"Christian's always been impulsive." grinned Joe bopping to the music and pulling on Dan's sleeve, "Come on let's dance."

"Christian can be, but you don't strike me as the impulsive type Syed." Said Dan

"Well no, not usually," replied Syed "but we did know each other before, we used to be neighbours."

"Really, he never said." Dan mused and as Christian returned with the drinks he shouted "Oi Christian, take this one up for a dance will you before he wears out the seat." Christian looked over at Syed for reassurance who smiled broadly.

"Don't know where he gets the energy after training all day." Smiled Syed "I sit in an office most of the time and I'm usually shattered by the time I get home."

"You know a lot of people think of Christian as shallow, vain and a bit arrogant but scratch the surface and he's a real special guy." said Dan "He's been a good friend to me, he's bright, loyal and there is more to him than the party animal. Underneath that brash exterior he is actually quite sensitive and fragile."

"You don't need to tell me that."

"When Joe was ill, Christian was my rock. He came by almost every day, he held my hand when I crumbled, he did all the practical things like making sure I ate, he kept the house clean and helped care for Joe when he first came out of hospital."

"Sounds like Christian, he's good in a crisis."

"So….. you wouldn't hurt him would you."

"Hurt him, why would you think that of me?"

Dan leant forward and looked him straight in the eye.

"'Cos you've done it before haven't you Syed?"

Syed's blood ran cold "What has he said?"

"Nothing, I guessed – and looks like I guessed right. Eighteen months ago after Joe and I announced our engagement we went out with friends and there was a lot of talk about who would be next to commit. Christian got voted the least likely to get hitched, he took it all in good humour, gave as good as he got and no one thought anymore about it. I was driving that night but the rest of them were getting really hammered. Later on I noticed Christian was missing, Joe told me not to worry, and he had probably pulled and gone off. I don't know why, but I was worried about him. I eventually found him literally crying in his beer, I took him outside to try and sober him up but he was too far gone so I got him into taxi and took him home. He kept telling me to go back to Joe, not to lose him that you only ever get one chance at love and he had lost his. I stayed with him until he fell asleep, he talked, not much made sense but I know a broken heart when I see it. Next day he didn't remember a thing. As soon as you said you knew him before I guessed it was you."

Syed shrunk under his stare and the weight of his words, he opened his mouth to reply but he didn't know where to start.

"Look Syed, whatever went on between you, Christian has obviously come to terms with and it's really not my business, if he's happy then I'm happy. I just want to know if you are serious about him now."

"I love him. I always have, I nearly lost him once, no way I'm going to risk that again."

Dan reached over, placing a hand on his arm with a smile. "That's all I needed to hear, now let's go and break those two up before they get thrown off the dance floor.

Christian was shocked to see his reserved boyfriend join them on the dance floor but he wasn't objecting to having Sy's hands running up his arms, even if he had absolutely no dance rhythm. He hugged him close and looked over at his friends, returning Dan's wink with an ear to ear grin. Yep he thought, life was good.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

Despite the throbbing of his temples and the slight nausea that accompanied his hangover and despite having been dragged out of bed at an unseemly hour, Christian couldn't help smiling as he watched a stressed out Syed shopping in preparation for the children coming. He had picked out their favourite foods, some toys and games and was looking at slippers so they could feel relaxed and at home. Christian dutifully carried bags and nodded encouragingly at Syed and bit back the worry that he might be going overboard, that with no long term access actually agreed, this might be a one off visit – and a supervised one at that. Right now, he decided, was not the time to burst Syed's bubble.

Outside, squinting into the bright sunshine he tried to remove sunglasses from his top pocket. When they refused to budge he cursed under his breath and juggled the bags around trying to release his fingers enough to grasp them properly. He felt a soft touch on his arm.

"Here, let me." Syed extracted the glasses positioning them gently on his face followed by a soft kiss on his jawline. "Can't have you getting winkles," he grinned, "how is the head?"

Christian breathed in the scent of him and grunted a non committal response.

"Poor babe, let's get you some medicinal coffee."

Christian rather thought the "hair if the dog" might do him more good but allowed himself to be led him to a small neat café and accepted a strong black coffee plus the two aspirins that Syed produced from his jacket pocket. As the tension began to ease he listened to Syed's nervous chatter, the love for his children shining through his stories. He eventually fell silent and Christian realised he was dwelling on less pleasant memories. Eager to retain his good mood he asked

"How did you get on with Dan and Joe last night? Did you enjoy yourself?"

"Good." Syed paused. "Dan's very fond of you, quite protective even. It's good to have friends like that, people who accept you for who you are and look out for you" he said wistfully.

"Hey, you have good friends too."

Syed snorted, "I have lots of acquaintances Christian, most of them business related but they don't know the real me at all." He added in hushed tones with a trace of bitterness "Most of them would run a mile if they knew what I was really like."

Christian took his hand and kissed the palm, "You don't know that Sy, and you won't unless you give them a chance. Robbie doesn't feel that way, he has been really supportive. You are a beautiful, caring human being, and if they can't see that they are not worth knowing." Syed shook his head avoiding further discussion by gathering their purchases together and declaring that there was a lot to do at home.

With all preparations in place they were now clock watching.

"Are you sure you don't want me to go Sy, it might score more brownie points if you met the kids on your own."

"No Christian," said Syed emphatically "You are part of my life now; I don't want to lie to my children."

"It's not lying to them, they have already met me, you don't know who it is that is supervising their visit, what they will report back to the lawyers, to your family. You need to make the best impression possible."

"You were the one telling me earlier to give people a chance."

"Yes but…"

Their discussion was interrupted by the doorbell.

"They're early" breathed Syed moving to the door. Christian retreated to the bedroom to give them space, idly tidying the already orderly cupboards. He heard a soft tap on the door and was surprised to see Amira.

"Hello beautiful," he smiled watching the flush come to her face, "I didn't know you were coming too."

"I'm not staying, I thought you might like to go out and have a cup of coffee with me while the children have time with their father."

Christian frowned, "I thought this visit had to be supervised?"

"It is."

Christian followed her into the living room shocked to see Zainab fondly looking on as her son and grandchildren hugged each other.

"We are going now." Amira addressed Zainab, careful not to look at Syed. Salena gave a shy wave and Christian waved back blowing her a kiss, she rewarded him with a wide grin that reminded him so much of Sy it melted his heart. Zainab watched the exchange with raised eyebrows.

"Zainab," he said crisply, not sure whether her presence was supportive or hostile. She merely nodded at him.

"Mummy will only be gone for an hour." Amira called to the children, still avoiding Syed. Christian looked to him for guidance.

"We will be fine," he smiled "See you back here soon."

As soon as they were out the flat Amira's composure crumpled and the tears flowed. Christian didn't know what to say so he just put an arm around her until her sobbing subsided.

"Do you think he ever loved me?"

"Yes – and he still does."

"But he loves you more."

"Differently, he loves me in a different way. He can't help who he is Amira, anymore than I can help being who I am. Being gay isn't a choice, if it was he would have made the choice to be straight and follow the path he set himself."

She nodded, dried her eyes and snapped open her compact to fix her makeup, then she linked her arm in his and they walked out. He was going to suggest a walk in the park but remembered that she didn't do parks, so they hit the shops. He took on the role of personal shopper, camping it up a bit, selecting the most outrageous designer outfits for her to try on and she gradually relaxed, putting her troubles on hold for a while. It was good to hear her laughing.

He ordered her a Virgin Pina Colada and himself a Bloody Mary checking his watch, wondering how things were going with Syed and his mum.

"So how does your dad feel about you bringing the children over?" he ventured

"He's not happy," she shrugged, "He wants to punish Syed but I told him it wasn't fair to punish the children too – they love their Dad."

"So is this going to be regular then?" he asked hopefully.

"What the shopping?" she arched an eyebrow, then looking at the seriousness of his face added "yes I guess we will work something out."

She paused and Christian let out the breath he hadn't realised he was holding.

"Be warned though – Dad is still out to get Syed – he wants to ruin him, and I don't even want to think what he is capable of doing."

"And you, what do you want?"

"You know what I want; I want him back. I'm so scared for the future, what will happen to me? In my culture I'm damaged goods no-one will have me." She paused, twisting her hair through her fingers. The continued quietly "I do know I can't have him as a husband, so I at least want him as a friend, but it's hard, really hard."

He squeezed her hand, he knew just how hard it was "C'mon then, let's go and build some bridges."


End file.
